Understanding suicidal thoughts: What to do if you or someone you know is struggling

Have you ever felt it was pointless to continue living? Before dismissing it as a thought only certain 'troubled' individuals experience, think again. Today, people across all age groups, income brackets, and genders are dying by suicide for a variety of reasons. Understanding how to help ourselves and those around us is important when the will to live feels distant. 

According to the State Crime Records Bureau, in 2023, Kerala recorded an all-time high of 10,994 suicide deaths. In 2024, the number slightly dipped to 10,779—still alarmingly high. Just in the first two months of 2025, 1,785 people were reported to have died by suicide. Renowned mental health expert Dr C. J. John explains how we can support ourselves and others when faced with self-destructive thoughts.

Accept that the thought can occur
Dr John says it's not uncommon for thoughts of suicide to cross people's minds. "What matters is whether we have the mental resilience to cope with these thoughts by reconnecting with what gives our lives meaning," he explains. It's important to ask whether the thought stems from a distressing life situation. If not, it might be influenced by underlying biological or psychological conditions—something that deserves careful attention. When such thoughts persist without apparent cause, seeking timely help is crucial, he adds.

Identify signs of depression
Here are some signs that indicate you—or someone close to you—may need professional mental health support:
1) Feeling low or hopeless for more than two weeks
2) Emotional responses that feel out of proportion to the situation
3) Difficulty sleeping, eating, or regulating your emotions
4) A drop in motivation for self-care, such as dressing or grooming
5) Losing interest in activities once enjoyed
6) Changes in body language or physical demeanour
7) Increased crying or irritability over small things

Build a support circle
Dr John emphasises the importance of having two or three trusted individuals you can contact in need. "In Western countries, helplines are commonly used when suicidal thoughts arise. We do have such services in India too. But ideally, we should also have a strong personal support system—friends, family, or even members of a religious or community group you can confide in," he says.

Addressing the stigma around talking about mental health, Dr John notes: "When our body is unwell, we seek treatment. The same logic should apply to our mental health. Support groups act as a kind of 'first aid' for the mind." Even if you're not ready to open up, a sound support system can often sense when something's wrong and offer help. "Sometimes people mask their pain with a smile. A strong friend circle can recognise that," he adds.

It's not about solving everything
Many hesitate to talk about their struggles, worrying that simply sharing won't fix anything. But Dr John urges a shift in mindset: "Sharing isn't always about finding immediate solutions. You've heard the saying, 'A sorrow shared is a sorrow halved; a joy shared is a joy doubled.' Talking to someone close can bring the clarity you need to face your challenges." He adds that a suicide death affects at least 100 people in the person's network.

The 10% who show no signs
While 90% of individuals may display signs of suicidal thinking, Dr John says 10% might not. Some may act impulsively, without warning. "There are also cases where people express despair on social media and die by suicide shortly after. These may seem sudden, but often, subtle signs were missed," he says.

Why more men die by suicide
According to State Crime Records Bureau data, the male-to-female suicide ratio in Kerala stands at 80:20. But Dr John believes these numbers don't tell the whole story. "FIRs often note reasons without deeper psychological investigation. If you look at attempted suicides, the gender split is closer to 50:50. However, men tend to use more lethal means, which results in a higher fatality rate," he explains.
If you or someone you know is struggling, don't hesitate to seek professional help. Support is available, and recovery is possible.