Ritual of bride's weeping: In China, it's symbol of bonding with family

It's not a new sight in our country to see a bride shedding tears as she goes to her husband's home after the wedding. This weeping expresses the sadness of leaving her family and the anxieties of becoming a member of a new household. But is there a problem if girls don't cry like this elsewhere? While it's not an issue in our country, a certain group of people in China view girls who don't cry with contempt. This is because, for the Tujia ethnic group, the bride's pre-wedding weeping is not an expression of emotion but a ritual.

The Tujia people live in Sichuan province in southwestern China. Weeping at the time of marriage is a mandatory ritual among them. It's not a simple, one-time cry; it's a ceremony that can last for days. This tradition, believed to have started in the 17th century, was observed seriously until the mid-20th century. Although some changes have occurred over time, the tradition hasn't completely disappeared.

According to historians, the custom began when a princess of the Sao state, between 475 BC and 221 BC, married into another kingdom. The queen, distressed by her daughter's departure, and the princess, unable to bear separation from her family, wept profusely. Many followed suit, believing it was mandatory to weep at weddings, and thus, it became a tradition.

As time changed, a custom arose where relatives would instruct the bride on how to cry, months before the wedding. A wedding song incorporating weeping also emerged. Usually, the weeping ritual begins three or seven days before the wedding, but some start the ceremony three months in advance. The bride cries as a token of gratitude to friends and relatives who bring gifts before the wedding. In the days leading up to the wedding, the weeping ritual reaches its peak, continuing until the bride arrives at the wedding venue.

Among the 'Tanne Yi' group of the tribe, there's a ceremony where the mother cries, offering advice and blessings to the bride, and the bride reciprocates, weeping with her mother. There is another ceremony where the bride weeps with her friends. The songs accompanying the weeping express gratitude to parents and family members, brotherly love, memories of good times past, and anxieties about the upcoming married life.

In the past, there was a practice of blaming those who arranged the marriage during the weeping. At that time, the bride had no say in matters matrimony, and often had to accept unwanted unions. These grievances and dissatisfaction were expressed by the young women through weeping songs.

According to the elders of the tribe, all brides must weep throughout the wedding. They believe the bride's tears reflect love for her family and will bring happiness to her future married life. If the weeping ritual is not followed, neighbours consider the bride uneducated and ridicule her for a long time. Fearing this, there have even been instances of mothers beating their daughters for not crying during the wedding.