Babil Khan on having suicidal thoughts after his father Irrfan Khan’s death: There was no will to wake up

It’s been a year since actor Irrfan Khan passed away.

On Irrfan’s first death anniversary, his eldest son Babil opened up about how he dealt with the news of his father’s sudden demise. Babil revealed that he went into depression and even had suicidal thoughts as Irrfan was not just his father but also his best friend.

Sharing how he felt helpless and depressed, Babil told Times of India, “For the first few days, Mom was like how is that he is taking it so well? I was running around, doing everything, making sure everything was fine at home and at the hospital. It was really bad, though. I can’t explain the amount of pain he was going through when he was conscious. I particularly remember when they were going to put a catheter, and asked me to leave the room, and he almost yelled, ‘Babil, tum kahin mat jao mujhe chhod ke!’ They pulled me out of the room and he screamed my name. I never felt that much pain and helplessness. I just stood there outside, hearing him scream my name. I dealt with it well in that moment, but after he passed – initially, Mumma was surprised how well I was taking it – but two days after he passed away, I crashed. I just crashed. Everything shut off. I went into deep, deep depression. I can’t even explain. There was no will to wake up. I was very suicidal…”

He went on to add, “I was done. I didn’t have any will to live. I still struggle with it a lot. And at that time, Mumma was the strength. She has always been the strength of our family. Throughout Baba’s career. You know everyone’s like Baba was this, Baba was that – but Baba wouldn’t have been anything without Mumma, she’s been the strength of the family.”

Babil also shared a heartfelt post on his social media page. He posted Irrfan's picture from the time he underwent chemotherapy in the UK. He also posted a handwritten note by the late actor. 

Irrfan died on April 29 last year after a two-year-long battle with a neuroendocrine tumour.