Breaking free after 50: How grey divorces are redefining relationships

The news of music maestro AR Rahman and his wife, Saira Banu, parting ways after 29 years of marriage has stirred much conversation. What makes this divorce particularly intriguing is the longevity of their marriage, raising questions about the growing trend of 'grey divorces.'

Before exploring grey divorces, let's look at other notable celebrity couples who have faced similar situations. Aamir Khan and Kiran Rao divorced after 15 years of marriage, Hrithik Roshan and Sussanne Khan ended their 14-year marriage in 2014, and Malaika Arora and Arbaaz Khan split after nearly 19 years together. Even in Hollywood, actor Hugh Jackman recently divorced his wife, Deborra-Lee Furness, after 27 years of marriage. These high-profile separations have reignited interest in the phenomenon of grey divorces.

What is a grey divorce?
The term refers to a growing trend where older individuals, often in long-term marriages, decide to part ways later in life. While divorce rates among younger couples have generally been declining, the rate of divorce among older adults has been steadily rising. This shift has led to increased discussions surrounding grey divorces, particularly regarding the legal and emotional complexities of ending a long marriage at an older age.

Divorce among older couples was uncommon in the past, particularly in Indian households. Societal pressures often kept couples together, even if their marriage had run its course. Dr Tissy Mariam Thomas, a professor at the Department of Psychology, University of Kerala, explains that several factors traditionally discouraged divorce.

"Earlier, girls were forced to get married. Parents wanted their children to marry, but that trend is changing now. People are living healthier lives, women are more independent, and financial dependency has lessened," she said.
Dr Tissy also stressed that divorce is rarely a sudden decision, whether in a grey marriage or a younger one.

"It's a gradual process. Older couples may feel ready to start afresh once their parental duties are fulfilled and their children are settled. They may realise the need to make their lives more meaningful or purposeful, and the marital bond they are in might be hindering that. After trying various ways to feel valued and fulfilled in the marriage over an extended period, they may reach a point where they realise it cannot continue and that a change is necessary. While the decision may be painful and traumatic, they might feel that divorce is the only option left for them," she explained.

She further added, "In grey divorces, men often find themselves more incapacitated than women. Women are typically better equipped with skills like cooking and multitasking, which makes it more challenging for men to take on these responsibilities suddenly. Many studies show that women tend to be happier after a divorce than men. Life after divorce can be tough for men, and as they grow older, it becomes even more difficult."

"Sometimes, women are hesitant to divorce because they are not financially independent. However, once their roles and responsibilities as wives are fulfilled, many women begin to feel that they are capable of taking care of themselves and decide that they want a divorce. Another factor specific to Indian women is social conditioning, which often leads them to avoid divorce. Instead, they tend to remain separated from their spouses rather than formally ending the marriage," she said.
Dr Tissy also highlighted the importance of social support in grey divorces, as individuals need the backing of their family, children, and social circles to navigate such a difficult chapter.

Legal and societal shifts
Advocate Bindu Sankara Pillai observed that there was once a common belief that life ended after 50, leading couples to continue in their marriages simply. However, that mindset has shifted.
"Today, women are more financially independent, and both men and women are less willing to stay in unfulfilling marriages. In the past, women sought government jobs with age limitations, but now, that's no longer the case. Women can start businesses at 50 and often have the support of their children. As a result, women now feel empowered to say, 'Enough is enough'," she explained.

Advocate Bindu also noted that grey divorces come with unique legal challenges, such as joint bank accounts, shared insurance policies, or alimony arrangements, making the process more complex compared to divorces among younger couples.

In most cases, the children of older couples are grown adults, sometimes with their own families. Their support plays a significant role in their parents' well-being. Advocate Bindu mentioned that in about 75 per cent of grey divorce cases, children support their parents' decision to separate. However, there are instances where children only support one parent.

"In a few cases I have dealt with, children fully supported their father, stating that it was the mother who had ego issues. But in most cases, the children tend to support their mother," she said. Advocate Bindu also noted instances where children, driven by materialistic motives, supported their father for financial benefits.

Changing dynamics and a brighter future
Grey divorces are becoming increasingly common in society and are receiving more attention, partly because of the increasing number of celebrities going through them.

The rise of grey divorces reflects broader societal shifts, particularly as individuals—especially women—embrace greater independence and seek fulfilment beyond long-term marriages. As more people in their later years prioritise their happiness and well-being, the stigma surrounding divorce in older couples is slowly fading.

While these separations can be emotionally and legally complex, they are increasingly understood and accepted. With support from family, children, and society, many individuals are choosing to start anew, proving that life doesn't end at 50 and that happiness and personal growth have no age limits.
The growing visibility of grey divorces, especially among public figures, has sparked important discussions about the changing dynamics of relationships and the value of self-discovery at any stage in life.